i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
