marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
