how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
