You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Holy shit dude........stairs
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