This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
