Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
