Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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