using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
