11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
