I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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