Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
