i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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