Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
