The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
