so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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