i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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