I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
