Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Enjoy the penises
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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