I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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