if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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