i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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