I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
