there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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