I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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