I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
