By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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