just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
