doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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