and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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