the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
