She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
