you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can't turn off my feet"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We had sex on a dog bed..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
