I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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