Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
