Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
