I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
