I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
