It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
