did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
