Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize