So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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