Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
