So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
