she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
