I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
