I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
