just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
