The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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