Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I want to fling myself into the sun
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
