he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
