you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
