Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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