I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My dad just said "fuck circus"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
