Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
