I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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