he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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