I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
