WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No subtext here. People are naked.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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