My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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