Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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