Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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