you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
