The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
