I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
