He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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