i don't like sucking hair
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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