i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
